All posts by beeanni35

Update on Life

My last few posts have always started with me apologizing for my lack of posts. I always feel bad whenever time gets away from me or I procrastinate, because I actually do enjoy writing. To be honest, I have been putting off making a new post for a while now because I couldn’t think of anything to write about.

This time I will not make excuses. Besides, bogging is not something mandatory, but something I do for fun. That being said, I want to work on being more consistent with posting.

Part of the reason I put off blogging was because of my indecision on what kind of post to make. I have done all sorts of different things in the past. I have made posts on health & wellness and weekly themes, like Poetry Fridays, and others. Maybe it would help to get an idea of what kind of content you guys would like to read. I always have my favourite subjects (i.e. music, etc.), of course, but I want to have content that’s creative and interesting. So, what do you think? Let me know what kind of blogging you’d like to see me do!

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Anyways, if you’ve been wondering what’s been going on in my life over these past months, let me tell you. In one word: school. In more words, life’s been crazy as usual. However, it hasn’t always been bad crazy – there’s been some good in there too. For example, I’ve had the chance to make a few new friends this year, which is great. I love meeting new awesome people. After the few months in which I was walking around as through a thick fog – a time also known as winter – I began to make some changes in my life. I have wanted to be consistent in my devotions and prayer life for quite some time, but have struggled to get in and keep up that habit. Accountability is a great thing. It’s really helpful to have someone else to meet with, even if I then go and do my own thing. It motivates me to keep up with it and not give up, if I have someone who’s expecting me to meet them. I’ve found that starting my day in God’s presence positively affects the rest of the day and has made me more aware and engaged in daily life. I’m not sure if it’s been quite a month yet, but I’d say I’m off to a good start in making this a long-term habit!

That’s all for now folks! So, share your thoughts (in the comments) on what content I should do here. Here’s a song I discovered today: Everyday People by Morgan Harper Nichols.

New Year. New Me.

Hello friends, I realize I have not made a post in months now. One reason for that is: life has a habit of throwing curve balls at us. The moment it appears we’ll have some free time on our hands, our path is intercepted by yet another problem or task to complete.

Since it is the new year of 2017, I thought I would share with you some of my resolutions or “goals” going forward. I don’t know how effective New Years Resolutions are, and my purpose here is not to go into that debate. What I do know, however, is that I like to make lists and be able to have a visual representation of my goals. That way, I find it easier to keep track of and remember the things I need to do, instead of simply having these thoughts floating around in my brain. This year, to help me along, I’ve also added smaller steps I can take to reach each goal. I’ve heard that it’s more effective to write specific goals rather than vague, general ones. The more specific you write, the better you know how to follow through with your ‘mission’, and the more likely you’ll be successful!

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Strip back all of the things I want to do this year and it all comes down to the phrase “holistic health”. My goals are: to get rid of negativity & unhealthy baggage, stay motivated and organized in my work, practice prayer & devotions daily, lose 10 pounds and save money. I have a document on my computer where I’ve expanded on these points to show how I plan on carrying them out. There are a lot of things I want to accomplish, not only this year, but over the course of my whole life.

So much to do. So little time. 

So, I better start now! Some other things I want to do this year is to read the Hobbit as well as the Lord of the Rings seriesI have watched the movies, but never read the books. A tragedy, I know, but it is one I hope to amend soon! Likewise, I want to read the Harry Potter books. These are classics from my generation and it would be a such a shame to go on in life without reading them for myself!

What are some of your goals for this year? What do you do to ensure you follow through?

Good Evening World!

Hello world, I have returned! Did you miss me? If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been for the last 3 month, look no further. I’ve been working at camp (in the media area). Not to be boastful, but I was well loved. Sadly it wasn’t for my good looks, but because I was the one taking pictures and giving out candy. Haha – in all seriousness though, I loved my job! I grew in my leadership abilities and developed personally.

Here’s one of the pictures I took of the sunset last week! God is a great painter, Amen? Amen!

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Anyways, I’m looking forward to another great school year in college! And my brother is coming to the same institute as me, so it’s going to be a good time! Some people may not be happy about school starting soon – or may even be anxious. However, I’m really excited about everything that’s to come (Obviously, since my brother is coming & that’s super awesome!).

This year I hope to write more music and learn how to play the guitar. I mean, I can play a few chords, but not fast and in the context of a song. So I don’t really count that as ‘being able to play’ the instrument.

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I’m expecting God to do incredible things this year!

On the topic of family, here ya go!

Wonderful Wednesday

I realized I haven’t posted anything on here in a month now, so I figured it’s about time to fix that. If you’ve wondered what I’ve been up to lately, I’ve mostly been reading, working on my writing (stories, not blogging), and doing basic responsibilities. TBH, I’ve been lacking energy lately. Not sure if that’s because my body isn’t used to the heat yet or what. However, it’s definitely frustrating when you have a bunch of things you’d like to do, but little to no energy or motivation to do it. I’m sure more than one person can relate to that.

One thing I’ve learned recently, is to jump on board when I have the motivation to do something. Take the opportunity when it arises, because you never know how you’ll feel later. Of course, there will be times you need to act despite how you feel, however, the point is, if you have the time and the will – dive in! That’s my advice. Anyways, I wanted to write about a few new and wonderful things that I’ve discovered lately – not give life advice (intentionally) – so without further adieu, here’s to a wonderful Wednesday!

  • Christian Rap

I never had any interest in rap music. I just didn’t enjoy it, so I avoided it at all costs and cringed whenever it came on. However, this past school year I was challenged to listen to music I wouldn’t normally for one week. I accepted. During that week I discovered that I do enjoy rap music! Some artists I listened to: NF, Twenty-One Pilates, and Propaganda.

  • Anime & Manga

Yeah I’m a nerd and I’m not afraid to show it! One of my favourites (still) has to be the first one I ever watched, which is called “Fruits Basket”. I’ve watched the anime and recently finished the first book in the manga series. I’m looking forward to reading the second. (Of course, I’ve got a few animes I’m watching, but for the sake of this post I thought I’d keep it short.)

  • Books

Some of you are thinking: “Hey! She’s always liked books! What’s new about that?”. And yes, that’s true, I’ve always been a book lover. However, lately I’ve finally been able to get back into something wonderful called ‘pleasure reading’. I know, right? What a concept! I have to admit, it took a while to transition from analyzing books for school into actually enjoying them. I think I’ve got the hang of it again now!

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  • Writing

Similar to my book/reading situation – mentioned above – I haven’t had much time to write stories with homework on my to-do list. After school ended, however, I was able to get back into that as well! So, I’m inspired and working away at a few different novels! It’s looking promising, so far. I find reading and writing very exciting and it continues to inspire my creative mind!

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  • Self-discovery

This is going a little off topic – since it’s different than the other points – however, I wanted to mention it. Lately, I’ve made some internal progress. I find it a little strange because I wasn’t actively working on this recently. So, I’m not sure what changed, but I’ve begun  to accept myself – flaws and all – instead of letting what others think define me. People-pleaser (and perfectionist) are definitely phrases that have described me in the past. However, I think I’ve started to let go of my insecurities and be more comfortable with who I am. I can only explain it by saying that it must be a work of God in my life. I’ve struggled with these insecurities for so long, that it’s really encouraging to finally hear an alternative voice saying “This is who you are. It’s okay. Just be yourself.”

What are some new and wonderful things that have come into your life? What have you discovered lately?

____ Is Where the Heart Is?

Have you ever thought about how amazing the human heart is? I’ve been thinking about it lately. There is so much room to love. Consider this: we love our pets, we love our family, our children, our friends – and the list goes on. It may not sound very exciting, but it hit me recently. I have enough room in my heart to love more than one person SO much. It’s actually pretty incredible.

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Where does love come from anyways? Well, I’m glad you asked. I know the love that I have in my heart does not come from me alone. God has poured his unconditional love into us and that overflows out of us. That is where my ability to love, so deeply, comes from. Because there times in life when it is hard to love others and there are people we come across who are difficult to love. I am not perfect, but God’s love is. In these times, when I have the ability to love – (when otherwise I wouldn’t) – I know it’s God working a miracle in my heart again.

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He first loved us. Having experienced such great love, how can I keep that to myself? I am compelled to share that love with others.

While writing this post, I thought about the saying “home is where the heart is”. If that is true, then I can be at home anywhere. I can go to school and find people I love. Or I can go to my house and find my family (whom I love). Anywhere I go I can find something beautiful. I am never truly alone. I am never without something to be grateful for or something to appreciate.

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Scatterbrained Thoughts

Mental illness, in general, is not something that is openly or widely discussed. It’s difficult because it is unlike other problems that you can physically see, like a broken bone. It’s also a shameful thing to admit to others because of the negativity and stigma associated with mental illness. For that reason and more, I want to spend some time today talking about this subject – specifically anxiety.

Anxiety is something that everyone experiences to some degree. However, not everyone experiences it to extent where it becomes a disorder. It’s all too easy to get stuck in your own mind, feeling alone. Anxiety can be overwhelming and extremely draining. Your mind races with all kinds of negative thoughts and self-talk.

I know what it’s like to live with anxiety. I have struggled with Generalized Anxiety Disorder for about three years now – (only officially diagnosed this year). One thing I think people can underestimate is the power of encouragement. It doesn’t even have to be anything huge. Little things, like a kind and uplifting word, can increase my mood and ease my mental stress. I am much better at giving out encouragement than I am at being supportive and kind to myself. This is where friends and family can be really helpful.

I have been struggling this year with self-criticism. I often blame myself for things that may not even be my fault. I jump to the conclusion “I must have done something wrong… or offensive…. or annoying”. And the list goes on. I continue to remind myself to not be so hard. I have really appreciated the friends that have stepped into my life and held me accountable and helped exactly when I needed it.

All this to say that it can be really hard to live with a mental illness. You often feel broken or even paralyzed to act. Just because someone appears to be happy, doesn’t mean they truly are. This next statement is true for me (and I’m sure for others as well): We do not want you to pull away from us because you are unsure of how to help or act around us. All we need is someone who will stay by our side and be a faithful friend. Be a listening ear when we need to vent, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to have fun and live life with.

All of this does not have to be a monumental task. After all – as the saying goes – “Many hands make light work.” You can often accomplish much more in a team than you can individually. So there are my thoughts on anxiety for the day. Let me know your experience on this subject!

Note: For anyone reading this, know you are loved and valued. You are never alone.

Have a good night friends!

Coffee Confessions

I do not always participate in Lent, however this year I decided to give up coffee. It’s better for anxiety to be caffeine free; caffeine increases you heart rate and makes panic attacks more likely. So, I decided that 40 days without coffee would be a good start for going caffeine free.

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So, I thought the first week was going to be the hardest because of caffeine withdrawl. However, that was not how things panned out. It was difficult to transition at the start. After that it got a little easier. Then, when it was two weeks away from Easter, I began to crave caffeine again. It was almost as if my body was saying: “you can almost have coffee again!” Fighting with your own body isn’t very fun…

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Almost immediately after the fight with myself, my personal life took a nose dive. Suddenly I had much more to worry about than not drinking coffee. So… that was a good thing, I guess? Not really, but hey, life hasn’t been all bad. This year has already had its good moments as well. Right now I’m having a rough time, but that happens in life. Life is not always a bed of roses, sometimes winter is long. I just have to keep holding on until spring comes and surround myself with the positive and supportive people in my life.

Anyways, this was not meant to be a depressing post… so here are some pictures of Boston Terrier puppies to give you good feelings.

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As you can tell, I love Boston Terriers. I’m a little biased because my family owns one. But I’m not crazy, they are sweet, loving and have great personalities! Cuddling with my Boston is one of my favourite ways to feel better when I’m down.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! What are your favourite ways to get out of a downward spiral?